Growing up I did a lot of traveling with my family.  My parents were missionaries in Chiapas, Mexico.  Every 6 months we had to exit the country and renew our visas.  Occasionally we made a day's journey to Guatemala, but more often we drove the length of Mexico, through Texas, and on to Oregon and Washington where we had family to stay with.  During my early teens we made two tours, one around the Northwest, the other around the US, sharing mission experiences and music on our 8 foot Chipanecan marimba. 
            But more than my childhood experiences which have shaped my life, God has put within me a restless spirit which is not satisfied with living in this world.  Spiritually I'm a pilgrim on a journey, a woman traveling to and fro until the day my Jesus comes to take me HOME.  My name, Barbara, even implies my condition.  Barbara means stranger.  Like the words of a hymn, "I'm but a stranger here, heaven is my home", I don't belong on this earth.  Like the words of the Psalm, I am a blessed woman because my heart is set on pilgrimage.  I can relate to Abraham and Sarah, of whom it is written, " They died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth." Hebrews 11:13. 
            For me life is like a journey.  I've climbed mountains, strolled through valleys, been in areas of wilderness, and sailed across seas.  My experiences on my spiritual travels have been as varied as the terrain—flowered meadows, rugged peaks, mirrored lakes, rushing mountain streams, or grassy hillsides.  Through them all I've walked as a pilgrim, searching for the perfect place to settle down.  It's not in this earth, so I've set my sites upward, where by faith I know I have a place where I belong and can finally rest.
            The "Valley of Baca " mentioned in this Psalm is a place of weeping, for that is the meaning of the word Baca.  I've been through such a valley many times, but out of those times of weeping God has provided blessings.  Springs and pools are formed when it rains.  In the Bible rain is sometimes used as a symbol for the holy Spirit of God.  What makes the difference?  Rain.  There's a scripture passage in Isaiah which reads, "Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:18,19.
Spiritual blessings are bestowed on those who are pilgrims on this earth, traveling through deserts and valleys of weeping.  God's Spirit makes the difference.  God is able to take the barren places in our lives and transform them into rose gardens, because the streams of His abundant love spring forth.  "The desert shall rejoice and blossom as the rose; it shall blossom abundantly and rejoice, even with joy and singing." Isaiah 35:2. 
            Look today for the pools of blessing that God has put beside the path you travel.  Beside these pools roses may be in bloom, or tiny wild flowers.  Gather up the little promises of God, as you would a bouquet of flowers, and drink at the pool.  Find refreshment as you spend time reflecting on God's leading in your life. Go in God's strength. Remember, my pilgrim sister, it won't be long now until we get HOME.
 
                                                --Shared by Barbara Kay, a homemaker & farmer's wife

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Love That Satisfies

  "Behold what manner of love the Father has given unto us,
that we should be called the daughters of God."
1 John 3:1
 

            To me the most amazing fact is that God loves me!  "I have loved you with an everlasting love," He declares, "therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you." (Jeremiah 31:3)  I've paraphrased Isaiah 43:1-4 to read, "Barbara, I have created you and made you the person you are.  Don't fear, because I have redeemed you and called you by your name.  You are mine!  Whenever you go through overwhelming experiences, or walk amidst fiery trials, I am there with you.  You will not be drowned nor consumed.  I am able to keep you from getting wet or scorched!  Remember, I am God, your Savior.  Since you are precious in My sight you have been honored, and I have loved you."  What an affirming statement of my worth! 
            So many women are seeking for a relationship where they can receive the love they crave.  Glenda longed for a compassionate man who would listen to her with his heart.  She found herself seeking the company of other men besides her husband.  Even though she knew this was wrong, emotionally she needed affirmation and understanding.  Eventually Glenda and her husband separated.  She was miserable.  In the midst of her wrenching emotional pain Glenda cried out to God.  With tears flowing down her face she poured out her anger, her hurt, and her longings. In the midst of her pain she finally realized God's love for her.  As Glenda explained to me, "I grew up reading the Bible, even memorizing scripture.  I knew about God and Jesus death on the cross for me.  But I felt like I was a nobody and that God couldn't love me.  How could the God of the universe be interested in little me."  Glenda came to this understanding too late to save her marriage, but is finding healing in her relationship with a God who is able to meet her deepest heart needs.
            For years I expected my husband to meet my emotional needs, and while he is a good provider and wonderful Dad for our kids, romantic ideas and deep talk are not among his capabilities.  A few years ago I finally realized I needed to look to God to fulfill me.  I began spending more time with my heavenly Father, writing letters to Him and praying that He would meet my needs and heal my emotional wounds.     I have learned by personal experience that only God is able to meet my every need. These scriptures confirm that God is able and will give me all I need.  "My God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."  Phil. 4:19.  "Those who seek the LORD shall not lack any good thing."  Psalm 34:10. "The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall not want (lack)."  Psalm 23:1
            I can testify that God is faithful, trustworthy, and loving.  I have tasted His goodness, been filled with His love, and my spirit is now full of joy and peace.  Truly, "God is love." (1John 4:8)---written by Barbara Kay, Floral Crest, AL

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Fear or Faith? 
"There is no fear in love;
but perfect love casts out fear,
because fear involves torment.
But she who fears has not been made
perfect in love.
1 John 4:18

             Have you ever been afraid?  I remember as I child I used to have dreams from which I would awaken trembling with fear.  Thing is, I still had nightmares as an adult.  Played out in real or bizarre scenarios while I slept, my dreams reflected my fears.  Fear of a house fire.  Fear of having an accident.  Fear of the future.  Fear of getting lost.   Fear of being raped.  Fear of death.  Fears for my family.  After my Daddy, who was a mission pilot, was killed when his airplane crashed in the jungles of Chiapas, Mexico I just knew my husband would be next.  Whenever he was late getting home from work I worried that he'd been in an accident. 
            During this same time period of my life I struggled with the fear that I could not be good enough to have a home in heaven when Jesus returned.  As hard as I tried not to get angry, my feelings would spill out in hasty deeds and harsh words causing hurt to my family.  I read my Bible, tried to live for God, and did my best to take care of our growing family.  Yet, there were days when fear surfaced and consumed my thoughts.  Anxiety and concern left me with a tension headache and uneasiness.  Over a period of time God began talking to me about trusting Him and I tried to surrender my fears.  God his given me the assurance of salvation, helped me deal with my anger, and delivered me from my fears.  I have learned that my salvation doesn't depend on my works, but God's.  Jesus perfect character is mine.  Peace and assurance has replaced my uneasiness and worry.  It has been an ongoing process of learning to let go and let God.
            Jesus' words to me are, "My peace I leave with you; My peace I give unto you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27.   He promises,  "Don't be afraid for I am with you, neither be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you.  Yes, I will help you.  Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness."  Isaiah 41:10.  Another promise I count my own is, "As many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the daughters of God.  For you have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you have received the spirit of adoption whereby we cry, Abba, Father."  Romans 8:14,15. 
            It was a stormy night on the sea of Galilee.  A boat tossed amid the waves, buffeted by the winds.  Water poured into the boat while the men aboard tried to steer and keep the craft from capsizing.  All except one man.  Weary from working all day Jesus was sound asleep in the stern.  In complete confidence of His Father's care Jesus rested.  Thunder and lightening didn't disturb His slumber.  This, my friend, is the picture of complete and perfect trust in God.  Whatever storms arise in our lives we can rest in the care of an almighty God.  However, I relate to the struggling disciples.  There have been times when waves of discouragement and doubt have washed over my boat seeking to drown me.  I've been afraid.  Like those disciples of Christ, when I remember that Jesus is in the boat with me, and cry out, "Save me or I perish," Jesus takes charge.  That stormy night on the sea of Galilee Jesus stood up in the tossing boat and simply said, "Peace be still."  The wind ceased and there was a great calm. Jesus directed His next words to His fellow passengers.  "Why are you so fearful?  How is it that you have no faith?"
(You can read the entire story in Mark 4:35-41) 
            Fear and faith do not go together.  John, one of those disciples, learned this.  He wrote, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear hath torment.  He who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18  As I've come to trust God's perfect love for me, and He has filled me with His love, it has pushed out the fears. 
            In Matthew 14 I read about another stormy night.  This time Jesus commanded His disciples to cross over the lake, then went up on the mountain by Himself to pray.  Out in the middle of the sea the boat was being tossed on the waves by the wind.  It was awhile before dawn (the Bible says the 4^th watch, which is between 3:00 & 5:00 am) when Jesus left His place of prayer and went to His struggling disciples.  I see a parallel with the time in which we are living.  It seems that the darkness of night surrounds God's church and we're struggling against the wind and waves of adverse circumstances.  While we are in the midst of a stormy sea Jesus is on the mountain in heaven, where God's throne is, praying for us.  He knows our needs.  He understands our weaknesses.  He foresees the future and the time of trouble awaiting us.  And He prays that our faith will not fail us in the hour that is to try every person.  However, Jesus doesn't just intercede for us.  He also comes to us, just as He did that stormy night on the Sea of Galilee when He walked on the surface of the water to His disciples.  Think of it!  Jesus left His Father's throne in heaven and came to dwell among us, walking by faith in the pathway God laid out for Him as the Savior of this world.  Jesus also comes to the one who needs His help, and nothing can separate us from Him. 
            But, what is our response?  The disciples were afraid because they didn't know that the form they saw walking upon the waves was their Master.  After all, have you seen anyone walk on water?  They hadn't either!  "It's a ghost!" they cried out.  "But immediately Jesus spoke to them saying, "Be of good cheer!  It is I!  Do not be afraid!"  When Jesus stepped into the boat the wind ceased and those in the boat worshiped Jesus saying, "Truly You are the Son of God." 
            If you feel like you are being tossed about by the winds Satan sends into your life, never forget that Jesus knows all about what is happening to you.  He will come near and calm the winds and the waves.  Give Jesus your fears and invite Him into your boat.  Worship Jesus and give thanks for Who He is and what He is doing for you.          We are living when there are plenty of reasons to be afraid.  But we don't need to live in fear because Jesus has promised, "In Me you can have peace.  In the world you will have trouble, but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." John 16:33.  God's children don't need to be afraid, because "God hasn't given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Tim. 1:7.   Be of good cheer, and be at peace!                                                                               
                                                                                             --written by Barbara Kay           

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My Heavenly Father

 "Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love,
Therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you."

            This promise is the number one most meaningful one to me in the Bible.  Let me share why. For many years I lived with a void in my life that only a father could fill.  I am the oldest of 4 children, born all within the space of 6 years, and the only girl.  During my childhood my Daddy was away from home most of the time, and he didn't have time to develop a relationship with me.  Sometimes he would take one or more of my brothers with him to do things, leaving me at home to be Mommy's little helper.  I knew my Daddy loved me, but he didn't give me affirmation or individual attention.  During my teenage years I longed for Daddy to take me on a date; I wanted to get to know him.  I wanted to share my life with this man who gave me life.  I wanted to talk to him about things that really matter.  Before I got that chance as an adult he was snatched from me in an airplane crash, and the void deepened.
            Throughout the next years I tried to fill that empty place with other relationships.  I adopted an older man who had lost a daughter through death and we wrote letters back and forth.  Although I still call him Dad and occasionally I call him, he's not been the father I need.  When I married I felt accepted by my father-in-law as his daughter, but since he was the age of my grandpas I related to him more in that way.  In recent years I watched him struggle with disease and slip from me as his mind deteriorated.  Then death separated me from him also.  When my mother remarried I acquired a step dad, but it took much effort on my part to establish a relationship with him, and it was far from perfect.  About the time I was able to share from my heart he became ill with cancer and died.  Looking back, I now realize that for years I expected my husband to meet the emotional needs that only a father could fill. 
            One day when I opened my Bible God spoke to my heart through this personal love note.  "I have loved you with an everlasting love.  Therefore with loving kindness have I drawn thee." (Jer. 31:3)  I thirsty soul soaked up the message. "I am your Father and I love you.  I always have, and always will.  I will not leave you.  I am with you always.  You are My precious daughter.  Let Me fill your heart with My love."   Each day as I continued reading my Bible I found many affirmations of my Father's personal love for me.  Slowly the realization seeped into my starving heart that my heavenly Father is enough.  He's the only Daddy I need.   He's a perfect Father.  He has time for me.  He listens and understands my heart longings and needs.  I can trust Him, lean on Him, take all my concerns to Him, and seek His counsel and comfort.  Today I can testify that my heavenly Father meets all my needs and has healed my heart.  He has replaced the losses in my life with Himself.
            My Father is yours too.  His arms are open wide to embrace you.  2 Corinthians 1:3 says He is the God of all comfort.  In 1 John 4:8 I read, "God is love." I want to share something with you from one of my favorite devotional books entitled Steps to Christ.  "Keep your wants, your joys, your sorrows, your cares, and your fears before God.  You cannot burden Him; you cannot weary Him.  He who numbers the hairs of your head is not indifferent to the wants of His children.  "The Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy." James 5:11.  His heart of love is touched by our sorrows and even by our utterances of them.  Take to Him everything that perplexes the mind.  Nothing is too great for Him to bear, for He holds up worlds, He rules over all the affairs of the universe.  Nothing that in any way concerns our peace is too small for Him to notice.  There is no chapter in our experience too dark for Him to read; there is no perplexity too difficult for Him to unravel.  No calamity can befall the least of His children, no anxiety harass the soul, no joy cheer, no sincere prayer escape the lips, of which our heavenly Father is unobservant, or in which He takes no immediate interest.  "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds."  Psalm 147:3.  The relations between God and each soul are as distinct and full as though there were not another soul upon the earth to share His watchcare, not another soul for whom He gave His beloved Son." (page 100)
            At a women's ministry meeting I attended the guest speaker shared a special activity with the ladies.  We were each to pick an envelope from a basket and find a quiet place to read the message written within.  Picturing myself sitting with my Father I opened mine and read these words.  "I want you to try to understand what is most important to Me about eternity.  I want you to know where My treasure lies.  It is you, My child.  You are My most valuable treasure.  You are what I live and died for.  Eternal fellowship and relationship with you is worth more to me than anything in the entire universe.  I want to spend eternity with you in a place that radiates with promise and life and joy! Forever yours, The Lord God" 
            Through my tears I read the printed scripture at the bottom of the flowered stationary.  "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn You with loving kindness." Jeremiah 31:3.  There was my text again!  This letter I just picked from many was directed to my heart need.  My Father was reminding me that I am His special daughter, His treasured child. 
            My relationship with my Father is the most important thing to me.  Many mornings during my quiet time with God I hold my arms toward heaven and ask my Father to give me a hug.  I picture myself sitting on His lap, with His arms holding me close, and we talk.  Sometimes I do a lot of the talking and He listens patiently without interrupting.  I'm trying to listen more to what He has to tell me.
             By His Spirit I abide in the presence of my Father, but I'm longing to see Him face to face. Perhaps when Jesus comes again and I am living at His house this scene I've played in my mind will become a reality.  One day I walk along the banks of the river of life, following the golden street which ascends to the throne of God.  As I approach His throne my impulse is to fall on my knees and worship.  Awe fills every fiber of my being, and as I hesitate, my eyes riveted on His loving  face,  He reaches out His hand toward me and says, "My child, come sit on my lap and let's talk."  It feels natural.  I've been here many times before.  I lean my head against His chest and whisper, "It's wonderful to be home." 
            Until we're home in heaven with our Father, by faith go to Him for hugs.  He always has time for you.  He'll never let you down.  I have learned that He's a faithful and loving Father.   

                                                                                                 __written by Barbara Kay

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My New Name
"To her who overcomes I will give a white stone,

and on the stone a new name written,

which no one knows except her who receives it.

She shall inherit all things,

And I will be her God and she shall be My daughter."

Revelation 2:17 & 21:7

Momma was busy preparing all the barbeque fixings. Daddy had sent me inside for pen and paper. As I was rummaging through the kitchen drawer, I snuck a peek at Momma's face. Her green eyes were still glossy. In all my eight years I had not seen Momma so emotional.

Just a few hours earlier we were sitting in the floor together laughing and playing jacks. I was about to try for my fivesey's when the phone rang. As she listened to the caller, the expression on Momma's face changed to one I couldn't read. She grabbed me up and squeezed so tight that I couldn't catch my breath. "What in the world is going on?" I thought. "Was somebody hurt? Had someone died?"

Momma was crying. There must be something terribly wrong. Then, I discovered that she wasn't just crying. She was smiling, and laughing, and crying all at the same time. No one was hurt. No one was dead. Something great had just happened!

"That was the judge, Peggy. The adoption's final!" Momma yelled as she twirled me around and around. "How 'bout celebrating with a barbeque when Daddy comes home?"

"How 'bout the sidewalk story?" I asked.  As I sat among the scattered jacks Momma retold my favorite story. "In March, 1954 Betty wrote to tell us she would be here the 30th. You would come just in time for Patsy's thirteenth birthday. Betty was moving from Virginia back to Birmingham. When the taxi pulled up, I ran out to meet your mother. When I took you in my arms, I knew you were my little girl. So, you and Patsy really share the same birthday. 'Cause right there on that sidewalk, you were born . . . In my heart!"

I hurried back out with pen and paper. "What are you going write Daddy?" I asked curiously. "Not me," Daddy answered. "You. I want you to write your name." Obediently, I printed 'Peggy Jean Hamblin' and handed the paper to Daddy. To my dismay, he immediately wadded it up and threw it in the barbeque grill. Tears streaked down my face. Flames consumed my identity. It wasn't like Daddy to be so cruel. Feelings of rejection came flooding back.

I was only six months old when my birth mother gave me to the Bryans. Betty made them a solemn promise. In exchange for being able to visit me, she would never take me away. I 'd always belong to Mozelle and Grady. Four years later, the promise was broken. Betty had remarried. She and her new husband were moving back to Virginia and they were taking me with them. One day I was safe and secure. My world was shattered the next. I couldn't understand what was happening. Suddenly, I was in this strange place with people I barely knew. Betty and Leon insisted that I call them Mother and Daddy. Had I been bad? Didn't my Momma and Daddy want me anymore?

After a few months, Betty said that Momma Mozelle, Daddy Grady and Patsy were coming to see us. They were even bringing my dog Pouchi and all her new puppies. Excitedly I thought, "My family is coming to take me home!"

But they didn't take me home. The only memory I have of their visit was the day they left. To keep from upsetting me, they planned to leave while I was still sleeping. I must've sensed it, 'cause I was up at the crack of dawn. After breakfast, I was told to say goodbye. But I just grabbed Momma's neck and held on for dear life, screaming, "No, Momma, don't go! Please don't go!" Losing the battle to hold back tears of her own, Mozelle swallowed hard, "Honey, kiss me goodbye. We've got to go, now." My grip tightened, "I want to go! I want to go home with you Momma!" One by one each little finger was pried loose from Momma's neck.

Their trip back to Pell City was long and quiet. My pathetic pleas haunted them all the way home. The trauma proved to be too much for Mozelle. While Grady worked, Mozelle somehow blocked out the fact that I was gone. Aunt Jewel will never forget the day Mozelle called her, worried that she couldn't find me. She had fixed my lunch and called for me. After searching the house, she scoured the yard. Then she called Jewel, "Is Peggy with you? I can't find her anywhere." As gently as she could, Jewel said, "Mozelle, Peggy's in Virginia."

Betty became very sick when I was five. We moved back to Alabama so she could seek treatment at the University Hospital. She was diagnosed with tuberculosis and committed to a sanitarium. Leon visited Mozelle and asked if she would take me for a while. But her sanity and my emotional state had to be considered. The answer was no—not without legal ties. Leon had to work. So I was tossed from one relative to another. One family's answer to dealing with me was to lock me in a room all day. The other one chose to give me crackers and send me out to the staircase while they ate supper. Neither of these situations was good.  Welfare threatened foster care. However, Betty loved me enough to severe her parental rights so the Bryans could adopt me.

The day had finally come! My adoption was final! Daddy sat me in his lap as he wiped away my tears. Then as he wrote my new name he declared, "Peggy Jean Bryan, you are my little girl! No one will ever take you away again!"

When I remember that special day, I look forward to the day my 'other' adoption will be finalized. Jesus will wipe away all my tears and I will read my new name written in the palm of his hand.            ---Peggy Bryan Harris

(Peggy ministers with her smile and words of encouragement.  She writes poetry, crafts cards, and cares for her hubby.  She lives in Pell City, AL.)

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God's Guiding Hand

 "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." 

Proverbs 3:5, 6 NKJV

            When I was 10 years old I begin praying that God would lead me to the right man to marry when I grew up.  I was born in Washington, where I spent the first years of my childhood.  When I was eight we moved in a remodeled school bus to Chiapas, Mexico, where my parents served as missionaries at a self-supporting institution.  I view it as providential that my 15^th summer we came to Alabama looking for summer work in the flower fields and staying with my aunt and uncle on Sand Mountain. 

            That summer I admired a young man who also worked for the Hills, in fact, I liked him quiet a lot.  He was a hard worker, thoughtful of others, and courteous.  I thought he might like me too, but until I got a Christmas card from him when we were back in Chiapas I didn't know for sure.  Thus began an exchange of letters.  I learned he'd bought a Ford tractor.  I shared with him about the mission my parents were starting next to the Guatemalan boarder.  He wrote about planting potatoes for a farmer.  I described scrubbing clothes in the river.  I looked forward to seeing Larry when we'd again travel stateside and work together in the flower fields.

 By the end of my 16^th summer I was in love, but could this country boy be the man for me?  He had quit school after 10 grades because there was no money for further education, and I planned to go to college after I graduated from high school.  I felt like it was important that a man have at least as much education as his wife.  Unknown to me, my boyfriend was praying about his future.  God heard and opened the way for him to attend boarding academy that fall (we were both in the junior class) and he graduated head of our senior class. 

            By the middle of our first year of college we both knew we wanted to continue our relationship, and following our graduation from nursing and industrial arts in 1978 we were married on May 14^th.  The night before our wedding, as I lay in bed contemplating God's leading in my life, I marveled how He had brought us together across the miles to become husband and wife.   On Mother's Day I celebrated not only the gift of my children but also 28 years of marriage to a wonderful man.                                                
                                                                          By:   Mrs. Larry Irdene Kay, a devoted farmer's wife.

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Discoveries on a Bimini Beach 

"All these things Jesus spoke to the multitude in parables,

and without a parable He did not speak to them."

Matthew 13:34

              I walked along the beach of Bimini, Bahamas.  I was on the Teen Mission Trip of 2003.  It was early morning, and several of us were having personal devotions on the beach.  The day before, we girls had prepared a nice supper for the guys, serving them at tables we had decorated with conk shells and sea glass.  It turned out rather pretty.  We had gathered the sea glass during swim time—an addicting activity.  Ashley and I discovered most the sea glass was green, brown, and clear, but there were a few beautiful pieces of blue. 

             Now it was breakfast time and I was retracing my steps along the shore to where I'd kicked off my flip flops.  With my eyes glued to the sand I looked for pieces of the precious blue sea glass.  I was so absorbed in my search that when I looked up a few minutes later I was far down the beach, way past my flip flops.  I could barely see them in the distance.  I ran towards them.  Grabbing them up I scrambled up the bank to the school where we were staying while conducting Vacation Bible School for the islander kids.  I was late for breakfast; however I did get to eat! 

            The next morning, my friends Ashley, Sasha and I were again walking on the beach.  I told them of my experience the previous morning, then shared the spiritual application I got from it.  "Ya know," I said, "I'm thinking that maybe that's the way it is with our lives.  We get so busy looking for things we think are precious and rare.  We concentrate our eyes on just this little area of time right around us instead of looking toward the future, learning from the past, or perhaps forgetting where we are going.  While looking for earthly treasures we totally miss our goal—heaven.  Even though I was late to breakfast, I still got to eat, but if we aren't ready when Jesus comes we won't be able to go to heaven.  We need to look up NOW, and pay attention to where we're headed."

While I was telling my friends this, we walked right past our flip flops!  So to the object lesson I added, "And we can even be doing good works for the Lord and miss our goal!"  The point is, we must continually keep looking at Jesus and not get distracted with this world and thus miss our goal.

            There are other spiritual lessons I learned from sea glass and the beach.  Sea glass is simply glass which has been tossed by the waves and rubbed on the sand until the edges are worn smooth.  It's pretty, and not dangerous like freshly broken glass.  Using a comparison, God created perfect human beings in the Garden of Eden.  Adam and Eve were the special and perfect companions of God.  Then sin came into the world, and like a glass bottle being broken, we became sharp, jagged, ugly pieces of glass.  God is like the ocean.  He allows us to be in situations that may seem hard and cruel.  However, He is always with us, and in the end, when we are washed up on the beach, we have become smooth and beautiful.  So when bad things happen, simply thank God, trusting Him to work things out.  In the end you'll be smooth and beautiful. 

            Another lesson I learned on the beach in Bimini about sea glass and shells points out pretty much the same lesson.  It is kind of a weird analogy, but I think it's kind of cool. While wading in the edges of the waves I would see a piece of sea glass or a shell that I wanted because I thought it was pretty.  I had to snatch at it quickly before it was washed away.  Thus it is in our lives.  We are continually tossed and slashed about with various trials.  These difficulties may seem hard and pointless at the time, but sometimes this tossing about could save us from being snatched up by the evil one.  This thought isn't a hard, firm belief and analogy, but simply an idea I've been thinking about and turning over in my mind since that early morning walk.

             The last morning before our group left Bimini I went to the beach and simply stood in the sand with the waves lapping and swooshing around my ankles.  I must have stood there quite awhile, looking out to sea, because when I picked up my foot to take a step I discovered both my feet were buried in sand up past my ankles.

            If you've ever just stood still in the very edge of the waves on a beach, you would've discovered the same thing, that eventually your feet will become buried in sand.  However, if you walk or run down the beach your feet may sink in the sand a little, but you can quickly pick them up and continue on down the beach, actually advancing.  The faster you run, the less your feet sink and the sooner you get where you're going.

            This feet-in-the-sand experience really spoke to me about my spiritual life.  It was as if God was saying, "Krisanna, when you just stand still in your walk with Me, we don't really get anywhere.  You just get buried in the sin of this world.  You need to keep talking to Me, reading your Bible, spending time with Me, and sharing Me with others.  You need to keep moving in your walk with Me.  Let's run down that beach, OK?" 

            One morning during worship one of our group members shared some thoughts comparing the ocean's waves with God's love.  The waves come on big sometimes, small sometimes.  They come from different angles, and it depends on the contour of the beach how they splash.  But they always come.  That's kind of the way it is with God's love.  His love is vast like the ocean, and it is always there.  God's love is steady like the waves.  Because no matter what, IT ALWAYS COMES!!!!!

                                                                                    Written by Krisanna Kay

(Currently Krisanna is a senior at Bass Memorial Academy.  She would like to go on another mission trip to Bimini.  She enjoys hanging with friends and discovering joy in life.)

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Dusky Moments

"Jesus is the true Light which gives light to every man coming into the world."  John 1:9

             The dusky moments of life are special to me—the greenish gloom of a thunderstorm, the dark velvet of a starry sky, the cozy comfort of candles and firelight, and silhouettes at early dawn.  Perhaps it's because I find solace in the seclusion of shadows, as if they enhances the vision of my heart to a comfortable depth of thought. In soft light my eyes relax. A certain restful peace is experienced inside of the smudges of twilight. In dim light I am comfortable.

            However, when I step outside the office at mid-day the sun is so strong I have to squint my eyes until I can barely see. Eyes accustomed to the dim light find direct sunlight almost painful at first. So I wear sunglasses to fend off the glaring brightness.  As I walk to my car I wonder, what happened? Why has the human eye become so degraded? Why does it hurt to glance at the sun?

The Scripture depicts God as being very bright; too strong to directly look at.  Moses, who was on a first name basis with God, once asked, "Show me Your glory."  Moses desired to see the One with whom he talked. (I'm fascinated that God agreed to let a human see Him!)  So the Lord put Moses in a safe place among the rocks of the mountain, and then explaining that no human could see His face and live, God covered his eyes with His hand as he passed by, allowing Moses to see only His back.  If they chose, people can look at the sun for a few moments and still live.  However, God is brighter then the sun so He mercifully veils His glory.  

I can't imagine anything more brilliant then the sun, but God is.  In the Bible I read of the brilliant light surrounding God in the throne room of heaven, and of the light of angelic beings.  The prophets recount their astonishment when they encountered a ray of God's glory, falling on their faces and covering their eyes.  At the end of this world, when Jesus returns, the Bible says that the wicked will die from the brightness of His coming.  My mind has trouble comprehending such purity! My eyes can hardly look at the sun, so how can I possibly be able to look into the face of my Heavenly Father, a perfect, dazzling Divine Being?  Even though I love Him with all my heart how can I, a sinner, hope to someday see the face of my Savior?  My human practicality and knowledge of such ingrained sinfulness tells me it is hopeless to dream of one day seeing God's face.

            Yet, God's word gives me the assurance that this impossibility will become a reality.

"For now we see in a mirror (through sunglasses) dimly, but then face to face, because if

we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin." 1 Corinthians 13:12 & 1 John 1:7

            The dusky moments on earth are special to me because they hold wisteria melodies, but I guess in heaven melodious thoughts will blossom freely, without the dimness of earthly passages, and perhaps have an even deeper beauty.  In heaven we will live joyously in the pure light of our Heavenly Father.  No sunglasses! 

By Caitlin Meharry

(Caitlin is a student at Southern Adventist University.  She enjoys music and playing her violin and the piano.  She has been on several mission trips, sharing with others her love for Jesus.)

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Where is Everything When I Need It?

I flopped down on my dorm room bed and rested my head listlessly on my pillow.  A tear squeezed out of the corner of my eye.  I had just learned that I had accidentally sent my cell phone home in a pocket and it had gone through the wash.  And it was almost two weeks until home leave when I could get it.  Hey, it was my only connection with the outside world.

            My brother had just been visiting me and I'd had a great weekend hanging out with him and Emily after a long, depressing, tiring week of school.  Now, all of a sudden I was falling apart. 

            The coming week was student week of prayer, and I was to give my testimony Tuesday night and I had no clue what part of my testimony to share.  God had made it so clear to me that I was to share during week of prayer.  But now I was filled with doubt and second thoughts.

            With a less than two days to prepare, I had turned for my Bible.  The Bible that I highlight all my favorite verses in.  It's like a part of me, and the closest link between God and me.  I've had it for years.  But it wasn't where it usually was.  I had proceeded to search my room and determined that I must've left it in church the previous morning.  It was during study hall and the church was locked up and I wouldn't be able to get it until sometime the next day.

            I had then immediately begun to look for Emily to spill my troubles to.  But she was out of the dorm tending to some of her own preparations for week of prayer.

            As I flopped onto my bed thoughts of all the drama and struggles people had been pouring out to me flooded my mind. 

            "Oh God," I cried, "Where is everything I need when I need it?"

            All of a sudden a thought struck me.  Like it was God talking to me.  "You don't need all that, Krisanna; all you really need is Me."

            That was a humbling reminder.  "You're right God," I said.  "I don't have to have my cell phone.  I don't have to know right this instant what I'm going to share for my testimony.  You'll give that to me if I just keep asking and trusting You.  I don't have to have that specific Bible to hear Your will and comfort, either.  Even though it is Your word, all I really need is just You.  I don't have to have my friends to spill everything to.  You are always here to listen.  I don't need to get all overwhelmed about all the trauma and drama of life.  I don't HAVE to be drama free (even though I take pride in the fact that I usually am pretty drama free!)  You are ever with me and will never leave me even when all else fails.  Your presence cannot be taken away.  Thank you."

 (Written by Krisanna Kay during her sophomore year at Bass Memorial Academy)  

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God's Meaning of Christmas

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus,

the author and perfecter of our faith,

who for the joy set before Him

endured the cross, scorning its shame,

and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Hebrews 12:2 NIV

             My feet are making quick and unseen tracks along the pavement of the winding country road as I travel the mile to where the trail begins, just past Lake Nicol.  It's early morning and on the chilly side—Christmas Eve.  It feels like any other Sunday as I head out to exercise—very ordinary, almost mundane.  "God, I don't want this to be just another Sunday.  I want it to be a day of Christmas.  What does Christmas really mean anyway? It's a fun holiday, probably my favorite.  I know that it celebrates the plan of salvation, but God, I want You to deepen my understanding.  So, what does Christmas mean to you?  Please show me!"

            There is no immediate answer.  No obvious voice, no cloud formations in the sky spelling out life answers, and no thrilling sensation of love and joy.  My feet plod along in a steady pattern.  Soon I reach the trail and I'm coolly greeted by woods-in-the-winter scents sprinkled with a sparse dose of sunlight.  Woodpeckers sound from their choice trees.  I laugh, wondering if they have their own Morris Code system.  I whisper,

"Lord, please show me."

            Pressing myself hard, I am gasping for air when I finally reach the top, proud that I can still run the entire length of the hill. "Lord, please show me," I pant.  All the way back out to the main road, past the dam and the lake, my mind wanders off on tangential tracks, some of which are not very happy.

            "Caitlin, you need to pick up that trash." Caught by surprise I almost stop. The thought comes so clearly that it jolts my many trains of thought back to their central station. I immediately recognized this to be a divine prompting.   

            "No God, I don't want to pick up trash!" I sullenly mumble. "I know that the way people have littered this road is disgusting, but it's their germy trash and I don't want to pick it up!   It's Christmas Eve, and I don't feel like reeking of beer from those old cans! It's gross!" As I continue walking I feel glummer than before.

            "You should pick up some trash." The idea will not leave me. "But Lord," I argued, "honestly, the few things I can carry will not make any difference in the aesthetics of the roadside, or reduce great amounts of environmental damage. You know that most any other time I would gladly, without comments or complaints, carry as much as I can hold, but basically I just don't feel like it!"

            After walking several more yards God again speaks to me. "Caitlin, pick up that beer can, yes, that one."

            "OK, fine," I grumble to myself, wondering if I'm usually this ornery.  Feeling only a sliver of repentance I stoop to pick up an old Budweiser can and some foam cups from Sonic.  The air is shivered with the wild call of the Pileated woodpecker somewhere off to my right.  Suddenly I realize that this might be the answer to my prayer.  God has used these quirky birds to get my attention before.  Adding more items to my dirty collection, I apologize for being so dense and obnoxious. With my mind shifted into a more serene gear, I can hear with greater clarity. I contemplate how sad this earth is, how awful, trashy, dirty, and despicably disgusting it has become. "A stark contrast from Your original creation, isn't it? I'm so sorry."

            Imagining what it must have been like for Jesus to walk around on this earth makes me shutter. How repulsive, how discouraging, how tragic! I try to picture Jesus walking along this road with his arms full of trash.  Gently Jesus says, "See, the disgust you have over roadside trash is just a fraction of how repulsive sin is to Me."

            Wow! My heart hurts for Him, how awful it must be to see the beautiful world ruined, and to see His people trashing, not just their environment, but their lives without a second thought. How hard it must have been to come and walk in the middle of all this mess, while knowing the joys and pleasure of heaven above. "Lord how did you stand it?"

            As the question exits on a thought, a beautiful phrase of scripture enters in sweet answer: "for the joy that was set before Him..." Its meaning swells deeper in my heart, for joy, for joy before Him!

            Do you realize that you are the joy that was set before Him? You are the joy, I am the joy. Yes, we humans are the joy that He hoped for. We are the goal of His mission, the desire of His heart, the love of His life.  If you have ever felt like scum-of-the-earth, road-kill, or just plain trash, well, this simple phrase blasts all confining, bitter, and self-depreciating thoughts to smithereens!  You are the Joy that was set before Him!

            The idea of adopting us back gave Him the steadiness, the rush of adrenaline, the grit and determination He needed to stick to the plan of salvation. He didn't just run up a little hill for Sunday morning exercise, He ran a marathon of thirty-plus years ending with a grueling climb up Calvary.  You are why He was born into a world of squalor and filth, walked through the stench of garbage-filled alleys, touched and healed every type of disease, raised the dead, prayed entire nights, was tortured, murdered, buried. It was for you—the joy that was set before Him.  This is what Christmas means to God. I pray that God's meaning of Christmas will create new meaning for your life, as it has for mine.

                                                                    Shared by Caitlin Meharry

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My New Curtains

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above,

and cometh down from the Father of lights."

James 1:17 KJV

     I decided I wanted to put up some new curtains in our bedroom because the ones I made years ago are faded and thin.  I looked at the curtains Walmart carried, but didn't see anything that I liked.  Nothing I found in the fabric isle suited me either.  There's a fabric store here on Sand Mountain, and Monday I had time to drive down and see what they had available.  Moore's Fabrics has a large selection of material, for quilting, crafts, weddings, and dresses.  Surely I'll find something here, I thought.  But browsing through the three rooms didn't turn up anything that struck me as suitable, both in matching the blue paint of our bedroom walls or my personal tastes.

            I was about to leave, thinking I'd have to do some more looking for curtains, when the owner handed me a bolt of fabric she'd just gotten in.  The pattern of birds and flowers, with bright and cheerful colors, really caught my eye.  I unrolled a length, liking the nature look with a scripture verse.  Perfect!  I had the lady measure off several yards, dug out some money I'd been given for Christmas, and clutching the plastic bag with the fabric I left the store with a feeling of satisfaction and joy.

            Last evening I took time to sit down at my Grandmother's old Singer sewing machine and stitch up curtains from the birdie fabric.  As I looked at my new curtains hanging at the windows this morning I thought…if I had gone to the store several weeks earlier, as I'd thought of doing, I would not have found my bird curtains with God's reminder of His care for me.  Printed among the various birds are these words of Jesus. "Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow."

            God let me look all through the store and not find anything satisfactory before He gave me the best, the bolt of cloth saved for last, with a personal message of love.  I am delighted at how the curtains brighten our bedroom, and I am inspired at how God enjoys blessing me.  These curtains remind me that my Father has the very best in mind for me.  He knows my tastes and what I like, even when I don't know what I'm looking for.  As I look at the sparrows, chickadees, finches, and wrens among the daisies, thistles, hibiscus, and sunflowers I see God's message to me—wait for the best; I'll give it to you.

                                                                 Written by Barbara Ann Kay

             Once upon a time, Barbara used to sew dresses for her girls and has made all the curtains for her house. One of her favorite pastimes is watching the birds come to the feeders, which her husband made and gave her for Christmas.

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Cradling Miracles

"The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty. 

He will save; He will rejoice over thee with joy."  Zephaniah 3:17

Surrounded by miracles, I feel hushed and hesitant to even breathe for fear that I might somehow break the tenuous thread of life.  These babies in the neonatal intensive care unit are so small, many only 20-some weeks when they entered this world.  They are frail, fragile, yet fiercely fighting for freedom.  At this age many cannot effectively breathe on their own because their lungs are under-developed, and their hearts cannot pump effectively enough, which means multiple IV's, oxygen, and other types of tubes and monitors are needed.  Helpless, vulnerable, and completely dependent these tiny babies have two options; to tenaciously fight for life, or to give up and die. Thankfully, God has instilled an instinctive desire to live within our human genes – to strive for life with every fiber of our being.

As I observe one tiny girl, who has recently reached 100 days old, my heart twists with concern.  She has to fight for every single breath she takes. Fervently I wish that I could somehow share my life with her so that she could breath easier and rest. As I watched her, God brought the orphan story from the book of Ezekiel in the Bible to my mind.

God explained His loving care for Israel by saying that He had found her – a discarded orphan in an empty field, "And when I passed by you and saw you struggling in your own blood, I said to you in your blood, 'Live!' Yes, I said to you in your blood, 'Live!'"  (Ezekiel 16:6)

Our human plight becomes more obvious to me as I care for the infants  We are helpless, vulnerable, and completely dependent with only two options—life or death. God alone can breathe life into our fragile existence, steady our fluttering hearts, and nourish our souls. Then we flourish as His dreams become a reality in our lives. "I made you thrive like a plant in the field; and you grew, matured, and became very beautiful."

There are not a lot of procedures that I am allowed to do as a student nurse on such a specialized floor, so one of the nurses instructs me to try to quiet one of the fussy babies. Although this little one has improved a lot and will be able to go home soon, he is still is perhaps only 4-5 pounds - so tiny.  As I take him in my arms he quiets down. The nurses are so busy they don't have time to rock him, and he just needs to be held.

I think of how many people are alone, and those of us around them too easily miss the loneliness because it is camouflaged by layers of business, complicated schedules, emotional facades of all kinds, and sometimes just because we choose not to see it.

As I cuddle this baby I notice his hands which are hardly bigger then the end of my thumb, yet so perfectly formed.  How innocent this sleeping child is!  My thoughts swirl in wonderment of God's creativity, and my heart trembles for what the world may do to him.  What will his home be like? How will his friends influence his life? Will he be taught to love or to hate? Who will show Him Jesus? As these questions and all their possible outcomes begin to torment my mind, I recognize that there are only two things I can do—pray and hold him.  So I pray that God will guide and protect every step of this boys' life, that he will come to know Jesus as his personal Savior, that he will cling to truth with the same tenacity he has for life, and that he will become a man of God.  Along with these heart breathed wishes I pray that no matter what turns his life may take, or what failures he may face, that someday I will meet him in heaven. "Nevertheless I will remember My covenant with you in the days of your youth, and I will establish an everlasting covenant with you… Then you shall know that I am the Lord." (Ezekiel 16:60, 62)   I hold him, cuddled close into the warmth of my arms, and I wish for a pair of little wings that would carry him above the storms of life.

Do you feel helpless, vulnerable, and as if you must fight for each breath? Or do you feel alone, misunderstood, and confused about this often-cold world?  Listen closely to God's heart as He thinks of us. "I drew them with gentle cords, with bands of love… How can I give you up? My heart churns within Me; My sympathy is stirred. I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely… (I am) with you, (I am) mighty to save, (I) will take great delight in you, (I) will quiet you with (My) love, (I) will rejoice over you with singing." (Hosea 11:4, 14:4, Zephaniah 3:17)

Please let Him cradle your heart close, let Him remind you of your identity in Him, and relish the warmth of His love. Then as we grow in His love He will teach us how to hold others, and through our hands life can be shared.

Written by Caitlin Meherry, a daughter of God, who is learning to listen with her heart.  Caitlin is a nursing student attending Southern Adventist University.

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